Technorgastic - Introducing Jethro in the Red Room. Red Room. Red Room.

I finally did it this weekend...no, I am not talking about that kind of "doing it" as I know I did it at least once.

For years, I have looked, lusted, and endured great frustration and dissatisfaction. In the recent weeks, it built to a crescendo and I just finally...lost all self-control, lost all sense, and just gave in to the passion....mmmmm.....oh my gawd!!!

...I went to Sears.

Yes...Sears.

Supplier of toilet paper during the Great Depression (apropos since we are entering the Depressed Economy era...thanks, Bush!!), purveyor of fine Kenmore products, and the Clay Aiken of driving schools.

I met "Sally" and "Branson" and they talked me through my first experience. They were gentle and exuded an aura of confidence and tenderness that beguiled me. I knew I was special to them, even if I wasn't their first or last. Before I knew it...my...wallet...came out...

and....

and...

....difficult to talk about...


I purchased...my...first...

...large....

LCD TV/monitor!!

Oh gawd, yes!!! Swooning now...

Buncha of pervs, what did you think I was talking about?

As you can see in the pictures, I am totally nerd-cool now. HDMI...yay baby!! PC input...right here. Henceforth, this marvel of technology will be named...Jethro. Because it is big, hulking, and stupid, yet somehow, it holds your attention. You want to look away, but its beauty holds you captive.


The chair will be replaced with something nerdier, and that will allow me to sit for long periods of time comfortably. This sparetire did not grow itself, you know...and it takes dedication to keep it inflated.


Tragically, I do not have an ass. Where a butt would be on a normal person, I have nothing, but a thin coating of skin stretched tight over what can be best described as KFC extra-crispy chicken bones, pecked clean by crows or hooty owls...maybe sparrows, even. If you all want to know about my non-existent derriere, shoot me an email. Or drop a comment.

Truly, it will be much ado about nothing.

A Cake Worthy of SpinePuncher

We had our birthday fete for SpinePuncher this weekend as she is totally awesome, and radically rockular!! Ok, so she is right....I do suck at "cool" slang.

Using the materials you see below...I made her a cake in the shape of...




...the Beloved Barkles!!



The chopsticks were used to achieve the texture of Barkles' coarse yet appalling fur, as shown.


Happy Birthday, SpinePuncher!!!!!!! Love you!!

The Pony and Gun Show

Something tells me that this did not end well...



This was actually held this weekend...

An Unfortunate Doppelganger

I spoke to Distracted this week. Apparently, the sofa has adhered permanently to his buttocks so badly that an operation may not be successful.

He did manage to send some pictures he "found"... I had forgotten about my unfortunate resemblance to a certain dictator down North Korea...



It's nice to be wanted too...

Henry - call me - found your arrow

Henry Longfellow (his last name is not indicative of anything), a nodding acquaintance of mine, once wrote the following...

I shot an arrow into the air,
It fell to earth, I knew not where;
For, so swiftly it flew, the sight
Could not follow it in its flight.

I breathed a song into the air,
It fell to earth, I knew not where;
For who has sight so keen and strong,
That it can follow the flight of song?

Long, long afterward, in an oak
I found the arrow, still unbroke;
And the song, from beginning to end,
I found again in the heart of a friend.

Actually, Henry, as you can see, you just missed my heart, but hit my big toe nicely. Thanks, buddy.

I am currently composing a similar poem tentatively entitled The MX Cruise Missile and Pure Poetry. Let me know where it lands.