He would have been fine except that he previously watched several "robot" movies in which malevolent androids were stopped by being presented with a corundum of logic, or being given a order of some sort. Below is a picture from his younger days with his "special" friend, Gort...this was the first appearance of the famous black kilt.
In the case of ADDHole, it was his most beloved asking him to mow the yard...she simply said "The grass is high. It must be mowed by someone. I am the woman. You are the man (sort of, hard to tell with you wearing that nasty black kilt all the time). You will mow the yard." According to informed sources, ADDHole fell on the sofa, positioned his head on his Holly Hobby pillow, got under his PowerPuff girls blanket, and has not stirred since.
Klaatu Barada Niktu, ADDHole!! Klaatu Barada Niktu!! Worth a shot...This latest plight of ADDHole saddens me greatly, as I fear he will never again twitch his legs in glee over a falling leaf, or hoot in delight at the antics of a squirrel getting his nuts while being dressed down. Never again to dance in the rain because it cleanses him. Never again to point out interplay of light and shadow that look so much like a kitten in a flowered sundress going to Wal-Mart while you are in the middle of telling him about some trauma you have just suffered.
One favorite ADDHole memory I have is the time I ran over a cow with my 2002 Honda Accord AKA the Wuss-Mobile while driving in Kansas. Being a "vegetarian" and lover of animals, I was very upset. I met up with ADDHole at Planet Sub, best subs around, and in tears, proceeded to blubber about the cow I ran over. I was shaking, snot was running out of my nose, tears flowing, sobbing loudly. After placing my order for half-a-veggie, half-a-cream-crab, and large drink, putting the toilet seat down and peeing, washing my hands (after peeing, not at the same time), and sitting down across from ADDHole, I poured my heart out about how upset I was. So, there I was, snot, tears, sobbing, and unsweetened ice tea (Lipton, in case you were wondering).
ADDHole scratched himself hard where you should not scratch in a public place, and said in utmost seriousness "Hey, that kid over there has a Spider Man t-shirt!! I like the green purse that lady has, it matches her sho....potato chips, I want potato chips. Did you see Schindler's List this weekend? It was on CBS and they cut the commeri....is that Chim Chim over there? Speed Racer Go!! Can we go to the book store after this? I like cows and anyone who hurts a cow is a bas....baseball is on!! The Rams are playing the Bengals!!"
Our subs came and we ate, while I was treated to one ADDHole soliloquy after another. I found that the best way to maintain a "normal" conversation with ADDHole was to tape a small mirror on my forehead. The shininess of the mirror, coupled with the moving image of himself allowed ADDHole to maintain face to face contact . The only downside of this mirror trick was that if he was feeling aggressive, as he wont to be after his bi-weekly workout with 10-pound free weights, he would attack the "man in the mirror". During those times, if I did not remove the mirror quickly enough, I would soon have a concussion from his pecking at the "enemy dance man" as he called the image.
It hurts to write that ADDHole won't be writing anytime soon, let alone cooperatively shifting so that he can be cleansed and oiled against the advent of sofa-sores. Informed sources within the ADDHole home have stated that there is room for hope...the channel was mysteriously changed from CNN to CN yesterday...and the remote control lay just beneath his fingers.
I know you can not hear anything in your coma Deafness, but, ADDHole, as you explore your new maturity and career dedication with a seriousness and focus you have never had before, all of us wish you well. A speedy recovery, perhaps in the autumn, when the grass no longer needs mowing...
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