Mourning Billy....for Spinepuncher

Spinepuncher and I are huge fans of "crap" sold via infomercials or anything labeled "As Seen on TV". You pretty much can convince us to eat our own livers for this stuff...strangely enough, we have never actually purchased any of it as it is too much of a bother to talk on the phone. Yet when we see an infrared oven that can cook a large turkey in 30 minutes, a cleanser that removes gold plating to expose the brass beneath, or a solar-charged electric toothbrush....for a moment, we know perfect happiness.

Billy Mays, beloved huckster of various products, including a cleanser that purportedly would clean sin off the devil hisself, passed away recently. Billy was the gold standard for televised pitchmen, the Michael Jackson of the "As Seen on TV" performers.

(Photograph: Chris O'Meara/AP)

The below excerpt from the film 'Run, Ronnie, Run' has nothing to do with Billy personally, but does illustrate the challenges he must have faced bravely and quietly to bring us products such as a safe toenail clipper for dogs...and cleansers. That film, by the way, is pretty much the adapted biography of BP, whom I personally consider the Princess Di of the white-trash set.



Farewell, Billy, you'll live on forever...as seen on TV.

Thus spoke Zarathustra...good thing I didn't hear him...or maybe too bad?

Doesn't stupidity ever take a holiday? I know I took a blog holiday...

It's refreshing when people in this enlightened day and age boldly wear their stupidity outfits out in public...such as this church group trying to unsuccessfully exorcism the "Demon of Homosexuality".




Similar attempts have been made to cure Deafness, lameness, poorly-accessorized outfits, your surfeit of cash, burnt cakes, usually by some silver-haired "minister", who invariably hits you up for cash afterward. Folks, give it up...some things are just a part of nature...the sooner you accept that, the sooner you'll make heaven on Earth for everyone...as Saint Belinda prophesied in her sermon.

Speaking of heaven, a priest who has to have the best make out name and title ever...Father Cutie, apparently chose paradise now as opposed to later (sorry, Milton, you lost yours). After photographs surfaced in the media (not showing any here as this is a family blog, but suffice to say, it looked nothing like this...)...


...with his hand knocking at heaven's door. To his credit, Cutie chose love, committed to it, and changed denominations. Given that Christianity preaches love as its root, did he not make a decision more in keeping with the fundamental tenets of his beliefs? Pope Benedict, over to you.

I find myself impressed, as always, with the power of women to make a man change gods and religions, sometimes even make him give up his penny loafers or "tighty whiteys". Awe inspiring when you consider that most men can't even get women to make them a sandwich, unless the woman wants to and chooses to make the damned sandwich. Sometimes, a sandwich is a manifestation of the heart's desire, especially when laden with sweet, sweet mayonnaise. Why do we have to beg for it?!? Gawd, I am so hungry right now...

Methinks men are the weaker sex, after all...

Working on the weekend...holidays...during surgery....

Commercial news interests such as CNN, Time, etc. have been running a series of propaganda pieces on how the typical worker bee (non-managerial drones like you and me) need to prepare to assimilate more of work into our lives. These articles are all about how work has changed as far as the number of hours, etc. That eventually, we will basically all be on call 24x7, that this is a good thing (for the business), and that anyone resisting will be processed into food for the 'good' worker-citizens who are totally dedicated.

To which I say to the so-called experts..."No shit, Sherlock? You figured that out by yourself, or did the chimpanzee fling poo in your mouth, causing you to choke out this insight?" And, by the way, how does one become an "expert" on determining these sorts of things about work? Do you take an exam? Or a class? Do you have to actually get a job to gain insights, perhaps pumicing your mom's bunions? Then you just find the nearest news media outlet and spout drivel like this?

Yes, we are working more and being paid less in order to enrich our 'superiors' above us...that is the American way. Capitalism at its finest...nothing wrong with that. Really. There are some people of very questionable intelligence for whom work is a life-substitute. They are readily identifiable because they work long hours, put work before all else, take calls in the middle of (wink wink), require detailed project plans before they will take their kids to preschool...any of this sounding familiar?

My dream nowadays is to work 23 hours a day until I am past my prime, at which time, I hope to become food for future generations.

Only one problem...I am not fat-free, but I am lactose tolerant.

Enjoy your meal!!

Happy Anniversary,....and a Jabberwocky!!

Just realized (ok, realized it a week or so ago but haven't had time to ruminate)...this blog has been ALIVE!! for a year.

When I started this blog, it was a therapeutic experiment in creative writing. I spend so much of my time writing dull mind-killing stuff (emails, reports, ransom notes, budget proposals, and reminders to BP to wear clothes) that I needed an creative outlet. I would normally have resumed my career of 'Get-Dressed Dancer' (the patrons pay me to remain fully clothed), but the nearest one around here was turned into a Hooters. Mine are not up to the task these days.

Hence, this blog...

And what a journey it has been. Basically, I sit in a chair, with keyboard and mouse, and I write. I love to write. Whether it is maudlin, or excessively "vocabularific", or totally made up (screw you, Dr. Seuss, said the wheething autoriisis frustratisis), I love to to write. I hate Dr. Sessus, though, go figure.

It take more than writing to do up a blog...dedication...research...editing...disclaimers....those are all words I know. As you can see, I take this very seriously....




So, on this day of one year of blog life, thank you for reading. If you stumbled across this while looking for "Deaf porn", and stayed once you got over your intial disappointment, hope you liked it. As to my friends and people I love, who get pestered with my blogging....well, you are my special people. Special people like you merit special mention and treatment by me.

As you know, I like to wax pretentious by either slinging words or by referencing the work of some other author or poet that I personally do like...or who has stirred me.

For my one year, I'll let Lewis Carroll do the honors....this always made sense to me.

Jabberwocky

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe."

"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"

He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought—
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.

And as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! and through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.

"And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!"
He chortled in his joy.

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

Who says it doesn't exist?

Read this today on CNN...touching how much this couple loved each other and wanted to be together. Unfortunate that such a thing as the Taliban exists to perpetrate the cruelties and ignorance that they do.

In the end, this couple gave their lives for nothing more than love.

From CNN:

KABUL, Afghanistan (CNN) -- Taliban gunmen executed a young couple for trying to elope in rural Afghanistan, a local police chief told CNN Tuesday.

The woman was forced by her parents to become engaged to a man she did not like, said Police Chief Gabar Furdali, and decided to leave home with another man.

Local Taliban commanders found out and set out to punish them, said the police officer in the village of Man De Khe in the Kash Rud district of Nimruz province, a remote southwestern province that borders on Iran and Pakistan.

The Taliban gathered residents of Kash Rud to watch the execution of the two. The man, Abdul Aziz, and the woman, who was not named, were shot to death, the police officer said. He did not say when the killings took place.

NATO troops who patrol the country have "limited presence in that particular area," a spokesman told CNN.

The killings were not "within our area of responsibility, but we are aware of the reports" said the spokesman for the NATO mission who declined to be named, in line with policy.

There is a tradition of "honor killings" in the region that long predates the Taliban, said Barnett Rubin, an Afghanistan expert at New York University.